Bleh

My least favorite thing about SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) reared its ugly head today. A few minutes after 4 I got a call from the after school program teacher letting me know my little bear was not doing well. I picked my stuff up from work and walked out. (I know, I'm crazy blessed to have a job like that)

When I got there my little guy was literally falling apart. He had enough of all kinds of stimuli and was not handling anything anymore. He. Was. Done. I picked up my hysterically tearful guy and held him and hugged him. All he could say was "I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I feel like this." *heart breaks into a million pieces* What caused this to happen? Sensory overload in a body and brain that doesn't process it correctly to begin with. His after schoolmates were more rambunctious than usual, and were screaming right before the down slide occurred. 

These are the moments that it is hardest to say those words to God..."I trust You." Hard to think that this gut wrenching SUFFERING I see on my child's face is for a purpose. Yet, I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control. He will help Nolan learn how to handle these feelings, help me to support him, and guide us on the path He has laid out. Jeremiah 29:11 promises that He has a plan, a great plan...a plan of hope, not pain. My little guy is an amazing, sweet, very Jesus oriented little person who has been put here to do great things. This may mean his journey is longer, twisty-er (think I made that up), but all for the glory of God. 

I mean, look at that sweet, snaggletooth!

Dear Lord,

Please guide our steps everyday. Give us the knowledge to do what is the very best for our little guy. Surround him with your arms. Protect him, calm his fears, quiet the anxiety inside. Prepare him for the amazing things you have planned. Keep the "why him? why us? this is unfair"s out of our mouths and minds. We know you have laid this journey before us and have equipped us for the task at hand. Our strength is IN YOU.

Your Daughter

Cutie Patooties

My sweets are with the grandparents until school starts. This is a two fold reprieve for 'ol mom....less $ for babysitting (as much as I love my sitters, you guys are expensive for a week!:)) and a sanity break. Before we moved to Oklahoma, my husband and I were an hour away from both sets of grandparents...that meant much more frequent sanity breaks. Now that we are 9 hours away, this hasn't happened! I'm enjoying my time with just the hubby, but let's face it, I miss my kids like an appendage! They are precious! Here are some pictures from their adventures in grandparentland.

The Misunderstood Child

We had an appointment yesterday with our OT (occupational therapist) to go over the evaluation she did on our Little Bear. Suspicions were confirmed that he does have Sensory Processing Dysfunction in addition to ADHD. Since this journey started I have continually felt that there was something *else* at the root of it all. More to come in future posts about this diagnosis. She shared a wealth of information with us including this poem. This is all I want to share today...please read it, take it to heart, and stop and think when you meet a kid like this....it might be my kid.

The Misunderstood Child A poem about children with hidden disabilities

   by Kathy Winters

I am the child that looks healthy and fine. I was born with ten fingers and toes. 

But something is different, somewhere in my mind, And what it is, nobody knows.

  

I am the child that struggles in school, Though they say that I'm perfectly smart. 

They tell me I'm lazy -- can learn if I try -- But I don't seem to know where to start.

  

I am the child that won't wear the clothes which hurt me or bother my feet. 

I dread sudden noises, can't handle most smells, and tastes -- there are few foods I'll eat.

  

I am the child that can't catch the ball and runs with an awkward gait. 

I am the one chosen last on the team and I cringe as I stand there and wait.

  

I am the child with whom no one will play -- The one that gets bullied and teased. 

I try to fit in and I want to be liked, but nothing I do seems to please.

  

I am the child that tantrums and freaks over things that seem petty and trite. 

You'll never know how I panic inside, when I'm lost in my anger and fright.

  

I am the child that fidgets and squirms though I'm told to sit still and be good. 

Do you think that I choose to be out of control? Don't you know that I would if I could?

  

I am the child with the broken heart though I act like I don't really care. 

Perhaps there's a reason God made me this way -- Some message he sent me to share.

  

For I am the child that needs to be loved and accepted and valued too. 

I am the child that is misunderstood. I am different - but look just like you.

   

  

Roll in 2014

Here we are, the first day of 2014. (Insert big sigh of relief) 2013 has been one of "those" years for me. It seems that the uphill climbs out numbered the downhill and the valleys more than the peaks. This year was busy and hard and full of lessons. Yet though it all, I see the hand of God at work. Let me start with a recap since the last post...in April.

May
--Introduction of the diagnosis of ADHD to our world

June - August
--Start working full time
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Ravenous research on ADHD and the like
--Prepare for Kindergarten (eek...internal freak out)

September-December
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments :)
--Introduction of SPD (Sensory Processing Dysfunction) diagnosis
--Discovery of my newest role in life....advocate for my child (more on this in a minute)
--Kindergarten and preschool fun with the kiddos
--Church
--Work

OK, now that is finished! Our world changed this last year in so many dynamic ways. The biggest would be the outlook of this little mama. My children have ALWAYS been my most precious resources, the ones I would fight tooth and nail for, and the lights of my life. However, God has started a process to change me into a stronger, more confident, and relentless advocate for my Little Bear. As a result, He has made me a better Christian.

This process has been painful....isn't change always like that? A recent sermon back home hit the nail on the proverbial head. The pastor told a story about a wet lump of clay that was transformed into a beautiful mug. The lump was pushed, pulled, spun around, put into the fire, painted, fired again, glazed, fired again and finally finished with a glance into a mirror. After listening to this story I sat still with tears filling my eyes. Finally, after all of these months of reading, pushing through appointments, crying, fighting for the needed services/modifications, praying, pleading, and feeling completely out of control I was given a glimpse into the mirror. God, our potter, has been busy with this lump of clay. He has created attributes in me that I never thought I had, strengths I've never seen in myself before, and a realignment of my "go to" sources of peace. Instead of relying on myself to fix or solve problems, my first turn is to His feet. Looking back, it seems crazy that I would go anywhere else. How foolish to think I was capable of handling and dealing with this on my own. In Jeremiah 18, God sends Jeremiah to the potter's house to receive His message. While there Jeremiah observed the potter working. Verse 4 says "Whenever a clay pot he was working on was ruined, he would rework it into a new clay pot the way he wanted to make it." (NIV Jer. 18:4) God goes on to tell Jeremiah that He can do the same with the Nation of Israel. God has shown me that He is able to do that with me as well. Long have I been taught that God is in the business of fixing the broken, but this year, I experienced it for myself.

So as we look forward to the coming year,  I enter with a peace knowing that my plans are NOT my plans, I don't have to have the answers, and that I am a child of the one true King. May God bless your health, hearts, and happiness this upcoming year. Seek Him first!