Isaiah

Let me start by saying that I am really, really, really enjoying the book of Isaiah right now. I have read it in the past, but God is using this book to speak to me in different ways than before. This book is beautiful.

Several weeks ago in our Wednesday night class at church we read about the call of Isaiah. In chapter 6, God calls Isaiah into service. One of the questions that our leader asked was whether or not God was being unfair or hypocritical for asking Isaiah to do something that was impossible. I answered this question in front of the group with my 2 cents, but more about that in a bit. We also had a reflection exercise that we completed at the end of class. See the photos below.

I wrote from the heart, as I have felt that I am so unclear of WHAT I am supposed to be doing for God's kingdom. Our lives are currently so overloaded with therapies, exercises and interventions to help give our little bear the very best shot to be successful and functional in this world. I don't think that God would have me stop doing these activities and leave my little man to flounder, but I feel inadequate sometimes. I struggle with what more I should be doing outside of these things.

God had an answer for me the next day. He's got a good sense of humor. Really, I actually giggled. Let's revisit that answer to the question in class. Here is a paraphrase of what I said in class....

"God isn't being hypocritical or asking Isaiah to do something that is impossible. He is asking him to be faithful to God, to do what he asks him to do. God doesn't expect Isaiah to fix the people of Israel. He is asking Isaiah to be faithful to God in the journey as God works on the people."

Funny....that's what God put on my heart the next day as I re-read Isaiah and my reflection prayer...by using my own words. He isn't calling me to anything specific right now, but to be faithful in everything I do, along this journey. There may be a point that he asks me to drop it all and do a radical mission. Right now, however, my heart is peaceful knowing he is asking me to be faithful to him, his awesome power, his control, his plans for my life and my family. He doesn't expect me to "fix" anything...which is good, because I am lacking! Thank goodness he can make up all I lack. My job is to do my best to reflect him in all I do...at therapy, while doing our exercises at home, while in IEP meetings, when working with patients, when cooking dinner, when interacting with my husband. Be faithful in the journey and answer with a resounding "Here am I."

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for the gift of clarity that you provide us with. Thank you for opening my eyes to your will for me and doing so in the spirit of encouragement. I am so thankful that you are in control and don't put the burden of "fixing" everything on me. I love you and am so blessed by our leaders in their lessons.

Amen.
 ~*Shelby*~

Roll in 2014

Here we are, the first day of 2014. (Insert big sigh of relief) 2013 has been one of "those" years for me. It seems that the uphill climbs out numbered the downhill and the valleys more than the peaks. This year was busy and hard and full of lessons. Yet though it all, I see the hand of God at work. Let me start with a recap since the last post...in April.

May
--Introduction of the diagnosis of ADHD to our world

June - August
--Start working full time
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Ravenous research on ADHD and the like
--Prepare for Kindergarten (eek...internal freak out)

September-December
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments :)
--Introduction of SPD (Sensory Processing Dysfunction) diagnosis
--Discovery of my newest role in life....advocate for my child (more on this in a minute)
--Kindergarten and preschool fun with the kiddos
--Church
--Work

OK, now that is finished! Our world changed this last year in so many dynamic ways. The biggest would be the outlook of this little mama. My children have ALWAYS been my most precious resources, the ones I would fight tooth and nail for, and the lights of my life. However, God has started a process to change me into a stronger, more confident, and relentless advocate for my Little Bear. As a result, He has made me a better Christian.

This process has been painful....isn't change always like that? A recent sermon back home hit the nail on the proverbial head. The pastor told a story about a wet lump of clay that was transformed into a beautiful mug. The lump was pushed, pulled, spun around, put into the fire, painted, fired again, glazed, fired again and finally finished with a glance into a mirror. After listening to this story I sat still with tears filling my eyes. Finally, after all of these months of reading, pushing through appointments, crying, fighting for the needed services/modifications, praying, pleading, and feeling completely out of control I was given a glimpse into the mirror. God, our potter, has been busy with this lump of clay. He has created attributes in me that I never thought I had, strengths I've never seen in myself before, and a realignment of my "go to" sources of peace. Instead of relying on myself to fix or solve problems, my first turn is to His feet. Looking back, it seems crazy that I would go anywhere else. How foolish to think I was capable of handling and dealing with this on my own. In Jeremiah 18, God sends Jeremiah to the potter's house to receive His message. While there Jeremiah observed the potter working. Verse 4 says "Whenever a clay pot he was working on was ruined, he would rework it into a new clay pot the way he wanted to make it." (NIV Jer. 18:4) God goes on to tell Jeremiah that He can do the same with the Nation of Israel. God has shown me that He is able to do that with me as well. Long have I been taught that God is in the business of fixing the broken, but this year, I experienced it for myself.

So as we look forward to the coming year,  I enter with a peace knowing that my plans are NOT my plans, I don't have to have the answers, and that I am a child of the one true King. May God bless your health, hearts, and happiness this upcoming year. Seek Him first!

Hokahoma

It has been well over a year since I last posted. Why, you ask? Like lots of other people, I got busy. Work went from great to tough to unbearable resulting in a new job at a new company. That was a great blessing and led to a beautiful time of peace and tranquility...then came the promotion...for my husband that is.

We had been praying for God to move us somewhere out of the desert for the sake of our children's allergies. They both had a terrible time with constant boogies, infections, both had tubes and Bug still had antibiotics for ear infections. Here was the answer we had been praying for....a change with a promotion and salvage from the desert winds. We had been praying to be moved....move us where we are supposed to be, where we can be used, where our children will be healthy. (we did that part correctly) We got exactly what we prayed for...oh, wait.....the location isn't on our list. What list? He & I had been looking at "places to move" and had formulated an informal "list" of spots that we thought would be best. (mistake #1) I'm not entirely sure why we as humans think that we have this "life" thing figured out. I mean really....one look at any reality show would serve as evidence that people are just plain ignorant. (myself included)

God's hands of guidance (and sense of humor) led us to Oklahoma (Hokahoma as the kiddos say). Yep, every Texas girl's nightmare dream! (that was sarcasm) Needless to say, I was on board because I had peace about this adventure. I knew that God was in control and would take us where HE needed us. So here we are...6 months in with new job, new school, new church.... I've never been the new kid before. Sure I went to college and didn't know anybody, but that was different. You crave that independence, that ability to meet all kinds of people, determine who you are going to be. This is different. This is uprooting everything that your children have ever known, moving 9 hours away from your entire support system, trying to carve new relationships with people, find a new church. These last few months have been a roller coaster for me. I've been on both ends of the spectrum in every aspect. Excited to devastated, full of faith to ignoring God. I know, how could I? HE led me here, HE is in control, so why be upset with HIM?

Comfortable. That's why....I was comfortable in my life before and hadn't realized it. The changes I was wanting I wanted on my timeline, in my selected locations. (continuation of mistake #1) Thankfully, we serve a God who loves us despite all of our shortcomings, our temper tantrums, our failure to trust. He is still good at the end of every day. He still loves us and wants us to seek that relationship with Him. This week we have a seminar going at our church about relationships. It has been going one day and has already made a tremendous difference for me personally. After all we heard yesterday I have been reflecting and can see how childish, selfish, and just plain ignorant I have been. God has brought me here for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is yet, and I don't need to know. What I need to do is suck it up, get back on my knees, and give it all to God so He can use me. I'm paralyzed right now...I'm not doing anyone any good wallowing. Lynn Jones, one of the speakers, said something that has been resonating in my mind "God can pull you through anything if you can stand the pull".

God, I'm ready...pull me out of this place I am in emotionally/spiritually and use me where YOU have planned. I'll hang on to YOU and YOU alone. Help me to see the blessings You have given us, reassure me when I'm faltering, strengthen me to stand the pull. I want my life to be a reflection of YOU and a blessing to others in every way possible. Thank you for loving this child even when I'm a miserable excuse for a daughter. I LOVE YOU! ~Amen

It's finally sinking in.....I think

God has had an overall "theme" for me this year that I have been failing miserably at understanding and obeying, but the light bulb has finally gone off. IT ISN'T ABOUT ME, but rather HIS WILL!

 This occurrence has happened in conjunction with our pastor giving a set of sermons on prayer...each of which is directed (:)) at me. Every week, God brings to me another aspect of prayer that I have been missing out on or overlooking. During the last few days, I have stopped asking for everything that I want...instead, I've poured my heart out to God the things that are heavy on my heart and mind and pray that through all of this I follow Him so that HIS will be done. There is a transformation occurring everyday in my heart and mind. I am more conscious of His will. That has become my priority. (I know, I'm late on that...that was supposed to always be #1)

Perhaps the second greatest area of change has been the prayers for my children. If you don't already say a prayer everyday for your kids or about your kids, I highly recommend that you start. This has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. Not that there are all these amazing things falling from the sky for my kids or that they are suddenly perfect angels polishing their halos without asking, but I am learning to see them as the Father sees me...to care about even the most simple things that mean the world to them. In the mornings when I take the munchkins to the kiddie corral, I say a prayer with them before we go in. Now they expect it and remind me if I'm rushing to stop, take a minute, and dedicate their day to God. What an amazing thing....my children may just yet bring out the very best of me!