Isaiah

Let me start by saying that I am really, really, really enjoying the book of Isaiah right now. I have read it in the past, but God is using this book to speak to me in different ways than before. This book is beautiful.

Several weeks ago in our Wednesday night class at church we read about the call of Isaiah. In chapter 6, God calls Isaiah into service. One of the questions that our leader asked was whether or not God was being unfair or hypocritical for asking Isaiah to do something that was impossible. I answered this question in front of the group with my 2 cents, but more about that in a bit. We also had a reflection exercise that we completed at the end of class. See the photos below.

I wrote from the heart, as I have felt that I am so unclear of WHAT I am supposed to be doing for God's kingdom. Our lives are currently so overloaded with therapies, exercises and interventions to help give our little bear the very best shot to be successful and functional in this world. I don't think that God would have me stop doing these activities and leave my little man to flounder, but I feel inadequate sometimes. I struggle with what more I should be doing outside of these things.

God had an answer for me the next day. He's got a good sense of humor. Really, I actually giggled. Let's revisit that answer to the question in class. Here is a paraphrase of what I said in class....

"God isn't being hypocritical or asking Isaiah to do something that is impossible. He is asking him to be faithful to God, to do what he asks him to do. God doesn't expect Isaiah to fix the people of Israel. He is asking Isaiah to be faithful to God in the journey as God works on the people."

Funny....that's what God put on my heart the next day as I re-read Isaiah and my reflection prayer...by using my own words. He isn't calling me to anything specific right now, but to be faithful in everything I do, along this journey. There may be a point that he asks me to drop it all and do a radical mission. Right now, however, my heart is peaceful knowing he is asking me to be faithful to him, his awesome power, his control, his plans for my life and my family. He doesn't expect me to "fix" anything...which is good, because I am lacking! Thank goodness he can make up all I lack. My job is to do my best to reflect him in all I do...at therapy, while doing our exercises at home, while in IEP meetings, when working with patients, when cooking dinner, when interacting with my husband. Be faithful in the journey and answer with a resounding "Here am I."

Dear Heavenly Father, 

Thank you for the gift of clarity that you provide us with. Thank you for opening my eyes to your will for me and doing so in the spirit of encouragement. I am so thankful that you are in control and don't put the burden of "fixing" everything on me. I love you and am so blessed by our leaders in their lessons.

Amen.
 ~*Shelby*~

The Misunderstood Child

We had an appointment yesterday with our OT (occupational therapist) to go over the evaluation she did on our Little Bear. Suspicions were confirmed that he does have Sensory Processing Dysfunction in addition to ADHD. Since this journey started I have continually felt that there was something *else* at the root of it all. More to come in future posts about this diagnosis. She shared a wealth of information with us including this poem. This is all I want to share today...please read it, take it to heart, and stop and think when you meet a kid like this....it might be my kid.

The Misunderstood Child A poem about children with hidden disabilities

   by Kathy Winters

I am the child that looks healthy and fine. I was born with ten fingers and toes. 

But something is different, somewhere in my mind, And what it is, nobody knows.

  

I am the child that struggles in school, Though they say that I'm perfectly smart. 

They tell me I'm lazy -- can learn if I try -- But I don't seem to know where to start.

  

I am the child that won't wear the clothes which hurt me or bother my feet. 

I dread sudden noises, can't handle most smells, and tastes -- there are few foods I'll eat.

  

I am the child that can't catch the ball and runs with an awkward gait. 

I am the one chosen last on the team and I cringe as I stand there and wait.

  

I am the child with whom no one will play -- The one that gets bullied and teased. 

I try to fit in and I want to be liked, but nothing I do seems to please.

  

I am the child that tantrums and freaks over things that seem petty and trite. 

You'll never know how I panic inside, when I'm lost in my anger and fright.

  

I am the child that fidgets and squirms though I'm told to sit still and be good. 

Do you think that I choose to be out of control? Don't you know that I would if I could?

  

I am the child with the broken heart though I act like I don't really care. 

Perhaps there's a reason God made me this way -- Some message he sent me to share.

  

For I am the child that needs to be loved and accepted and valued too. 

I am the child that is misunderstood. I am different - but look just like you.

   

  

Roll in 2014

Here we are, the first day of 2014. (Insert big sigh of relief) 2013 has been one of "those" years for me. It seems that the uphill climbs out numbered the downhill and the valleys more than the peaks. This year was busy and hard and full of lessons. Yet though it all, I see the hand of God at work. Let me start with a recap since the last post...in April.

May
--Introduction of the diagnosis of ADHD to our world

June - August
--Start working full time
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Ravenous research on ADHD and the like
--Prepare for Kindergarten (eek...internal freak out)

September-December
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments :)
--Introduction of SPD (Sensory Processing Dysfunction) diagnosis
--Discovery of my newest role in life....advocate for my child (more on this in a minute)
--Kindergarten and preschool fun with the kiddos
--Church
--Work

OK, now that is finished! Our world changed this last year in so many dynamic ways. The biggest would be the outlook of this little mama. My children have ALWAYS been my most precious resources, the ones I would fight tooth and nail for, and the lights of my life. However, God has started a process to change me into a stronger, more confident, and relentless advocate for my Little Bear. As a result, He has made me a better Christian.

This process has been painful....isn't change always like that? A recent sermon back home hit the nail on the proverbial head. The pastor told a story about a wet lump of clay that was transformed into a beautiful mug. The lump was pushed, pulled, spun around, put into the fire, painted, fired again, glazed, fired again and finally finished with a glance into a mirror. After listening to this story I sat still with tears filling my eyes. Finally, after all of these months of reading, pushing through appointments, crying, fighting for the needed services/modifications, praying, pleading, and feeling completely out of control I was given a glimpse into the mirror. God, our potter, has been busy with this lump of clay. He has created attributes in me that I never thought I had, strengths I've never seen in myself before, and a realignment of my "go to" sources of peace. Instead of relying on myself to fix or solve problems, my first turn is to His feet. Looking back, it seems crazy that I would go anywhere else. How foolish to think I was capable of handling and dealing with this on my own. In Jeremiah 18, God sends Jeremiah to the potter's house to receive His message. While there Jeremiah observed the potter working. Verse 4 says "Whenever a clay pot he was working on was ruined, he would rework it into a new clay pot the way he wanted to make it." (NIV Jer. 18:4) God goes on to tell Jeremiah that He can do the same with the Nation of Israel. God has shown me that He is able to do that with me as well. Long have I been taught that God is in the business of fixing the broken, but this year, I experienced it for myself.

So as we look forward to the coming year,  I enter with a peace knowing that my plans are NOT my plans, I don't have to have the answers, and that I am a child of the one true King. May God bless your health, hearts, and happiness this upcoming year. Seek Him first!