Cut It Out

There has been a world of progress made since my last post. My little bear is blooming in his own little way. This is not really somewhere I thought we would be this soon. Good things are coming around the corner too!

Occupational therapy is one of the integral steps in helping SPD kids learn to function with the differences in their bodies. We have a wonderful OT that diagnosed our little bear, but she is over an hour away and it isn't feasible to see her three times a week. Since November, I have been praying and searching for a way to make OT happen for us. There weren't any OTs that work specifically with SPD to my knowledge or to the knowledge of the therapy places I inquired. Randomly, I called the first place I checked back, just on a whim to see if maybe something had changed. They didn't have any new staff but did make a recommendation for me. We are now scheduled with an OT here in Stillwater that TRULY understands what SPD is and looks like...her son is sensational too! I can't express to you how important it is to bring your petitions before God....He will deliver when and if the timing is right and in a better way than you can imagine. Never once had I really thought about having a therapist who LIVES with SPD on a daily basis like we do. How much better can it get? Professional, practical, and maternal advice!

I know that most of you have very limited knowledge or exposure to SPD, and in my effort to help bless others through our journey, I would like to share a glimpse of our life with you...

Hair cuts....routine part of life for most everyone, correct? Not a life altering experience, not a physical marathon, just a hair cut...not a big deal, right? As some of you have noticed, I let my little guy's hair grow out pretty long between haircuts. We average 4-5 at most a year. Over the summer, I may not cut it at all. Why? Because it is very unpleasant for him. Does he scream and kick? No. Then what's the big deal? It physically causes him pain and discomfort. His little body perceives all those sensations in such a magnified way. Clippers are really uncomfortable because they vibrate and make noise. Scissors are OK for the most part. We used to go to professionals to get it cut, but it is so much better for him now that I do it at home. We can take as long as we need, do it in sessions, do it over several days, whatever. He is so much less anxious, better able to deal with it here at home. Are my haircuts perfect? No, but they are pretty good for an amateur. 

Anxious to start

Stop and think next time you see someone with a "non-professional" haircut. There may be a whole world of reasons it looks the way it does! 

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my little bear. Thank you for the journey you have put us on. Thank you for helping me acquire new skills, such as hair cutting, to endure the course. Your love is so amazing. How am I worthy to be blessed to be a mother? Please guide me to be a parent to my children the way you are to me. 

Love your daughter,

~*Shelby*~

Bleh

My least favorite thing about SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) reared its ugly head today. A few minutes after 4 I got a call from the after school program teacher letting me know my little bear was not doing well. I picked my stuff up from work and walked out. (I know, I'm crazy blessed to have a job like that)

When I got there my little guy was literally falling apart. He had enough of all kinds of stimuli and was not handling anything anymore. He. Was. Done. I picked up my hysterically tearful guy and held him and hugged him. All he could say was "I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I feel like this." *heart breaks into a million pieces* What caused this to happen? Sensory overload in a body and brain that doesn't process it correctly to begin with. His after schoolmates were more rambunctious than usual, and were screaming right before the down slide occurred. 

These are the moments that it is hardest to say those words to God..."I trust You." Hard to think that this gut wrenching SUFFERING I see on my child's face is for a purpose. Yet, I know in my heart of hearts that God is in control. He will help Nolan learn how to handle these feelings, help me to support him, and guide us on the path He has laid out. Jeremiah 29:11 promises that He has a plan, a great plan...a plan of hope, not pain. My little guy is an amazing, sweet, very Jesus oriented little person who has been put here to do great things. This may mean his journey is longer, twisty-er (think I made that up), but all for the glory of God. 

I mean, look at that sweet, snaggletooth!

Dear Lord,

Please guide our steps everyday. Give us the knowledge to do what is the very best for our little guy. Surround him with your arms. Protect him, calm his fears, quiet the anxiety inside. Prepare him for the amazing things you have planned. Keep the "why him? why us? this is unfair"s out of our mouths and minds. We know you have laid this journey before us and have equipped us for the task at hand. Our strength is IN YOU.

Your Daughter

Cutie Patooties

My sweets are with the grandparents until school starts. This is a two fold reprieve for 'ol mom....less $ for babysitting (as much as I love my sitters, you guys are expensive for a week!:)) and a sanity break. Before we moved to Oklahoma, my husband and I were an hour away from both sets of grandparents...that meant much more frequent sanity breaks. Now that we are 9 hours away, this hasn't happened! I'm enjoying my time with just the hubby, but let's face it, I miss my kids like an appendage! They are precious! Here are some pictures from their adventures in grandparentland.

The Misunderstood Child

We had an appointment yesterday with our OT (occupational therapist) to go over the evaluation she did on our Little Bear. Suspicions were confirmed that he does have Sensory Processing Dysfunction in addition to ADHD. Since this journey started I have continually felt that there was something *else* at the root of it all. More to come in future posts about this diagnosis. She shared a wealth of information with us including this poem. This is all I want to share today...please read it, take it to heart, and stop and think when you meet a kid like this....it might be my kid.

The Misunderstood Child A poem about children with hidden disabilities

   by Kathy Winters

I am the child that looks healthy and fine. I was born with ten fingers and toes. 

But something is different, somewhere in my mind, And what it is, nobody knows.

  

I am the child that struggles in school, Though they say that I'm perfectly smart. 

They tell me I'm lazy -- can learn if I try -- But I don't seem to know where to start.

  

I am the child that won't wear the clothes which hurt me or bother my feet. 

I dread sudden noises, can't handle most smells, and tastes -- there are few foods I'll eat.

  

I am the child that can't catch the ball and runs with an awkward gait. 

I am the one chosen last on the team and I cringe as I stand there and wait.

  

I am the child with whom no one will play -- The one that gets bullied and teased. 

I try to fit in and I want to be liked, but nothing I do seems to please.

  

I am the child that tantrums and freaks over things that seem petty and trite. 

You'll never know how I panic inside, when I'm lost in my anger and fright.

  

I am the child that fidgets and squirms though I'm told to sit still and be good. 

Do you think that I choose to be out of control? Don't you know that I would if I could?

  

I am the child with the broken heart though I act like I don't really care. 

Perhaps there's a reason God made me this way -- Some message he sent me to share.

  

For I am the child that needs to be loved and accepted and valued too. 

I am the child that is misunderstood. I am different - but look just like you.

   

  

Roll in 2014

Here we are, the first day of 2014. (Insert big sigh of relief) 2013 has been one of "those" years for me. It seems that the uphill climbs out numbered the downhill and the valleys more than the peaks. This year was busy and hard and full of lessons. Yet though it all, I see the hand of God at work. Let me start with a recap since the last post...in April.

May
--Introduction of the diagnosis of ADHD to our world

June - August
--Start working full time
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Ravenous research on ADHD and the like
--Prepare for Kindergarten (eek...internal freak out)

September-December
--Dr. appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments
--Therapy appointments :)
--Introduction of SPD (Sensory Processing Dysfunction) diagnosis
--Discovery of my newest role in life....advocate for my child (more on this in a minute)
--Kindergarten and preschool fun with the kiddos
--Church
--Work

OK, now that is finished! Our world changed this last year in so many dynamic ways. The biggest would be the outlook of this little mama. My children have ALWAYS been my most precious resources, the ones I would fight tooth and nail for, and the lights of my life. However, God has started a process to change me into a stronger, more confident, and relentless advocate for my Little Bear. As a result, He has made me a better Christian.

This process has been painful....isn't change always like that? A recent sermon back home hit the nail on the proverbial head. The pastor told a story about a wet lump of clay that was transformed into a beautiful mug. The lump was pushed, pulled, spun around, put into the fire, painted, fired again, glazed, fired again and finally finished with a glance into a mirror. After listening to this story I sat still with tears filling my eyes. Finally, after all of these months of reading, pushing through appointments, crying, fighting for the needed services/modifications, praying, pleading, and feeling completely out of control I was given a glimpse into the mirror. God, our potter, has been busy with this lump of clay. He has created attributes in me that I never thought I had, strengths I've never seen in myself before, and a realignment of my "go to" sources of peace. Instead of relying on myself to fix or solve problems, my first turn is to His feet. Looking back, it seems crazy that I would go anywhere else. How foolish to think I was capable of handling and dealing with this on my own. In Jeremiah 18, God sends Jeremiah to the potter's house to receive His message. While there Jeremiah observed the potter working. Verse 4 says "Whenever a clay pot he was working on was ruined, he would rework it into a new clay pot the way he wanted to make it." (NIV Jer. 18:4) God goes on to tell Jeremiah that He can do the same with the Nation of Israel. God has shown me that He is able to do that with me as well. Long have I been taught that God is in the business of fixing the broken, but this year, I experienced it for myself.

So as we look forward to the coming year,  I enter with a peace knowing that my plans are NOT my plans, I don't have to have the answers, and that I am a child of the one true King. May God bless your health, hearts, and happiness this upcoming year. Seek Him first!

The Gifts of Happiness

So sorry that it has been a little over a month since my last post! EEEK! Spring has been busy, busy, busy. My work is going well and is truly a place I enjoy being. It has helped to balance out my scales of happiness. Yes, they have been a bit wobbly the last 7 months or so, swinging to and fro, but things are leveling out. For this, I am so thankful.

The last few days, I have been trying to be audibly grateful for all the blessings in my life. Both to my Father who gives them and people that have been helpful or made a difference. This alone has helped to remind me that no matter what muck I may think I am going through, that there are blessings and gifts all around me. My children have been particularly adorable and remind me of these blessings frequently. Check out these pictures of Bear & Bug melting my heart:

 Being Prince & Princess

 Proposing to Mama....*sigh* that will always be a treasure!

 Happy Birthday Bear!

Three Generations on the Little Red

Baby Bug

 Little Bear

Note to self:

1. You are blessed with wonderful family
2. You are blessed with wonderful friends
3. You are blessed! 
4. You are loved by THE heavenly Father
5. Get over yourself. :D 

Fear, uncertainty and change all play on our minds and hearts. These things have a way of wriggling themselves into everything you do, all day. Let them go, TRUST God and walk on faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

Silver Linings

Following one of the worst weeks of my life physically (due to our friend the flu...& did I mention it was my birthday too?), I got to spend a wonderful evening and then snowy next day with my hubby and babies. Growing up in west Texas, we occasionally had a bit of snow...generally on Easter or Halloween it seems, but nothing really major to speak of. The news reports were preparing Oklahoma for a blizzard. So needless to say, I was.....excited. I know crazy, but I've always wanted to witness that amazing creation of snow in a mass quantity. Thankfully, Stillwater didn't get the brunt of the storm so we got enough to be fun but not enough to be painful. We all went out every hour or so after it started snowing and marveled at the wet, white substance falling from the sky. (Hubby and I were like kids ourselves at this point) 

Have I mentioned lately how amazing I think our God is? Just when we think things are awful, we get a little gift, a pick me up, a surprise that makes us smile. This is what the snow was for me. I know that not everyone feels this way, but for me it was perfect.

 I had been so sick and felt alone...my parents and in-laws weren't here to help, all of my long time friends were back home, and the kids had no real choice but to stay around because there wasn't anywhere else to go. I've been so blessed with a wonderful husband who took care of myself and the little bug (she had flu too). He was amazing and even missed work 2 days for us. My love for that man is always growing! I also figured out that there are people here who will help when we need it...people who are becoming my friends. I am forever grateful for that.

After a quick trip home last weekend for a birthday celebration with my mom, grandmother and friends, I came back to Oklahoma to prepare for the blizzard. I must admit I was pretty homesick after leaving them again. Kinda down and out. Then came the snow. The beautiful snow that I had never seen like this before....the reminder that even though things are different, they are beautiful, special, and all apart of a path laid out for me by the God who takes the time to make each snowflake different. This brings to mind one of my most treasured passages of the Bible...which also happens to be an area in which I frequently struggle. 

Matthew 6:25-34 NIV

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the snow, for the memories we made playing in it, for the displays of your love that are all around us. Please open my eyes and heart to the blessings around me instead of what I perceive as lacking. Grow these friendship seeds that you have planted here in Oklahoma to guide and fortify me. Help me to give my worry and control seeking to You. You've got this better planned than I could ever dream. Thank you for loving me even when I'm a little snow flakey.  ~Amen

PS~I firmly believe God has a sense of humor. :D