Hard Headed

Each time I pick the kids up from the kiddie corral, my little Bug makes a beeline to walk through a decorative rock bed outside. Now, these aren't the "small crushed gravel" kind of rocks, but more like "I'm studying to be a boulder" rocks. They are waaaaaay to big for her tiny feet and 'lack of balance' self to be navigating. She makes me a nervous wreck. All I can see is a head injury requiring sutures or her missing teeth for 4 years. Either way, it makes me crazy. She won't hold my hand and is determined to walk in it "BY MYSELF". 

I have pondered why she wants to do this....why, when the safety of my hand is there...why, when there is a smooth path that she could take? 'Cause she thinks she can handle it alone. It's fun...or at least it will seem to be until she takes that inevitable spill that will hurt. Of course, I will be there to scoop her up and comfort her and hopefully help her learn to choose another path. Oh my sweet child....she's taught me a lesson.

Just like this darling, I am also hard headed. I choose to walk alone at times, not holding God's hand through the rocky terrain of life. "I can handle it."  "I know what I'm doing." Thinking that what I'm doing is fun or exciting, even if it isn't 100% in line with God's word. (Everyone of us is guilty of that...it's called sin...I've got it, you've got it, the world has it.) Then the spill happens and it does HURT, whether physical or emotional or spiritually. Yet, our God is there....He's there to pick us up in our broken state and put us back together if we will just reach for His hand. There maybe a long spiritual rehab that leaves us with scars and perhaps a limp at times, but He will be there, every step of the way.

Also, I think that we could do ourselves a lot of good by reaching for His hand and moving to the safer path. It could save us some pain and heartache. Don't get me wrong, bad things will happen to all of us, no matter who we are...good, bad or otherwise. These are the facts of life. "If bad things happened to bad people and good things happened to good people, people would be good for the wrong reasons."--Dr. Jerry Jones We should be striving to be good because we love our God and want to serve and glorify Him with our lives. The Bible gives us plenty of examples of good people that had bad things happen to them: Moses, Job......Jesus. However, our ability to handle these things is dramatically impacted when we are centered in Jesus. We have the love, guidance, peace and comfort from a God and Savior who have given the ultimate sacrifice for us....hard headed, sinful, slow to learn, US.


Dear Lord,

I thank you for loving and guiding me in the midst of my hard headedness. Thank you for always being there when I reach out my hand. Show me how to keep myself centered in You, even with the distractions that this world brings. Lead me down the path You have chosen for me. Thank you for Jesus! Thank you for my precious children, who are constantly teaching me about You. Lord, please give me wisdom to parent them the way that You do me. 


~*Love your daughter*~

Hokahoma

It has been well over a year since I last posted. Why, you ask? Like lots of other people, I got busy. Work went from great to tough to unbearable resulting in a new job at a new company. That was a great blessing and led to a beautiful time of peace and tranquility...then came the promotion...for my husband that is.

We had been praying for God to move us somewhere out of the desert for the sake of our children's allergies. They both had a terrible time with constant boogies, infections, both had tubes and Bug still had antibiotics for ear infections. Here was the answer we had been praying for....a change with a promotion and salvage from the desert winds. We had been praying to be moved....move us where we are supposed to be, where we can be used, where our children will be healthy. (we did that part correctly) We got exactly what we prayed for...oh, wait.....the location isn't on our list. What list? He & I had been looking at "places to move" and had formulated an informal "list" of spots that we thought would be best. (mistake #1) I'm not entirely sure why we as humans think that we have this "life" thing figured out. I mean really....one look at any reality show would serve as evidence that people are just plain ignorant. (myself included)

God's hands of guidance (and sense of humor) led us to Oklahoma (Hokahoma as the kiddos say). Yep, every Texas girl's nightmare dream! (that was sarcasm) Needless to say, I was on board because I had peace about this adventure. I knew that God was in control and would take us where HE needed us. So here we are...6 months in with new job, new school, new church.... I've never been the new kid before. Sure I went to college and didn't know anybody, but that was different. You crave that independence, that ability to meet all kinds of people, determine who you are going to be. This is different. This is uprooting everything that your children have ever known, moving 9 hours away from your entire support system, trying to carve new relationships with people, find a new church. These last few months have been a roller coaster for me. I've been on both ends of the spectrum in every aspect. Excited to devastated, full of faith to ignoring God. I know, how could I? HE led me here, HE is in control, so why be upset with HIM?

Comfortable. That's why....I was comfortable in my life before and hadn't realized it. The changes I was wanting I wanted on my timeline, in my selected locations. (continuation of mistake #1) Thankfully, we serve a God who loves us despite all of our shortcomings, our temper tantrums, our failure to trust. He is still good at the end of every day. He still loves us and wants us to seek that relationship with Him. This week we have a seminar going at our church about relationships. It has been going one day and has already made a tremendous difference for me personally. After all we heard yesterday I have been reflecting and can see how childish, selfish, and just plain ignorant I have been. God has brought me here for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is yet, and I don't need to know. What I need to do is suck it up, get back on my knees, and give it all to God so He can use me. I'm paralyzed right now...I'm not doing anyone any good wallowing. Lynn Jones, one of the speakers, said something that has been resonating in my mind "God can pull you through anything if you can stand the pull".

God, I'm ready...pull me out of this place I am in emotionally/spiritually and use me where YOU have planned. I'll hang on to YOU and YOU alone. Help me to see the blessings You have given us, reassure me when I'm faltering, strengthen me to stand the pull. I want my life to be a reflection of YOU and a blessing to others in every way possible. Thank you for loving this child even when I'm a miserable excuse for a daughter. I LOVE YOU! ~Amen