Hokahoma

It has been well over a year since I last posted. Why, you ask? Like lots of other people, I got busy. Work went from great to tough to unbearable resulting in a new job at a new company. That was a great blessing and led to a beautiful time of peace and tranquility...then came the promotion...for my husband that is.

We had been praying for God to move us somewhere out of the desert for the sake of our children's allergies. They both had a terrible time with constant boogies, infections, both had tubes and Bug still had antibiotics for ear infections. Here was the answer we had been praying for....a change with a promotion and salvage from the desert winds. We had been praying to be moved....move us where we are supposed to be, where we can be used, where our children will be healthy. (we did that part correctly) We got exactly what we prayed for...oh, wait.....the location isn't on our list. What list? He & I had been looking at "places to move" and had formulated an informal "list" of spots that we thought would be best. (mistake #1) I'm not entirely sure why we as humans think that we have this "life" thing figured out. I mean really....one look at any reality show would serve as evidence that people are just plain ignorant. (myself included)

God's hands of guidance (and sense of humor) led us to Oklahoma (Hokahoma as the kiddos say). Yep, every Texas girl's nightmare dream! (that was sarcasm) Needless to say, I was on board because I had peace about this adventure. I knew that God was in control and would take us where HE needed us. So here we are...6 months in with new job, new school, new church.... I've never been the new kid before. Sure I went to college and didn't know anybody, but that was different. You crave that independence, that ability to meet all kinds of people, determine who you are going to be. This is different. This is uprooting everything that your children have ever known, moving 9 hours away from your entire support system, trying to carve new relationships with people, find a new church. These last few months have been a roller coaster for me. I've been on both ends of the spectrum in every aspect. Excited to devastated, full of faith to ignoring God. I know, how could I? HE led me here, HE is in control, so why be upset with HIM?

Comfortable. That's why....I was comfortable in my life before and hadn't realized it. The changes I was wanting I wanted on my timeline, in my selected locations. (continuation of mistake #1) Thankfully, we serve a God who loves us despite all of our shortcomings, our temper tantrums, our failure to trust. He is still good at the end of every day. He still loves us and wants us to seek that relationship with Him. This week we have a seminar going at our church about relationships. It has been going one day and has already made a tremendous difference for me personally. After all we heard yesterday I have been reflecting and can see how childish, selfish, and just plain ignorant I have been. God has brought me here for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is yet, and I don't need to know. What I need to do is suck it up, get back on my knees, and give it all to God so He can use me. I'm paralyzed right now...I'm not doing anyone any good wallowing. Lynn Jones, one of the speakers, said something that has been resonating in my mind "God can pull you through anything if you can stand the pull".

God, I'm ready...pull me out of this place I am in emotionally/spiritually and use me where YOU have planned. I'll hang on to YOU and YOU alone. Help me to see the blessings You have given us, reassure me when I'm faltering, strengthen me to stand the pull. I want my life to be a reflection of YOU and a blessing to others in every way possible. Thank you for loving this child even when I'm a miserable excuse for a daughter. I LOVE YOU! ~Amen

It's finally sinking in.....I think

God has had an overall "theme" for me this year that I have been failing miserably at understanding and obeying, but the light bulb has finally gone off. IT ISN'T ABOUT ME, but rather HIS WILL!

 This occurrence has happened in conjunction with our pastor giving a set of sermons on prayer...each of which is directed (:)) at me. Every week, God brings to me another aspect of prayer that I have been missing out on or overlooking. During the last few days, I have stopped asking for everything that I want...instead, I've poured my heart out to God the things that are heavy on my heart and mind and pray that through all of this I follow Him so that HIS will be done. There is a transformation occurring everyday in my heart and mind. I am more conscious of His will. That has become my priority. (I know, I'm late on that...that was supposed to always be #1)

Perhaps the second greatest area of change has been the prayers for my children. If you don't already say a prayer everyday for your kids or about your kids, I highly recommend that you start. This has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. Not that there are all these amazing things falling from the sky for my kids or that they are suddenly perfect angels polishing their halos without asking, but I am learning to see them as the Father sees me...to care about even the most simple things that mean the world to them. In the mornings when I take the munchkins to the kiddie corral, I say a prayer with them before we go in. Now they expect it and remind me if I'm rushing to stop, take a minute, and dedicate their day to God. What an amazing thing....my children may just yet bring out the very best of me!