Hard Headed

Each time I pick the kids up from the kiddie corral, my little Bug makes a beeline to walk through a decorative rock bed outside. Now, these aren't the "small crushed gravel" kind of rocks, but more like "I'm studying to be a boulder" rocks. They are waaaaaay to big for her tiny feet and 'lack of balance' self to be navigating. She makes me a nervous wreck. All I can see is a head injury requiring sutures or her missing teeth for 4 years. Either way, it makes me crazy. She won't hold my hand and is determined to walk in it "BY MYSELF". 

I have pondered why she wants to do this....why, when the safety of my hand is there...why, when there is a smooth path that she could take? 'Cause she thinks she can handle it alone. It's fun...or at least it will seem to be until she takes that inevitable spill that will hurt. Of course, I will be there to scoop her up and comfort her and hopefully help her learn to choose another path. Oh my sweet child....she's taught me a lesson.

Just like this darling, I am also hard headed. I choose to walk alone at times, not holding God's hand through the rocky terrain of life. "I can handle it."  "I know what I'm doing." Thinking that what I'm doing is fun or exciting, even if it isn't 100% in line with God's word. (Everyone of us is guilty of that...it's called sin...I've got it, you've got it, the world has it.) Then the spill happens and it does HURT, whether physical or emotional or spiritually. Yet, our God is there....He's there to pick us up in our broken state and put us back together if we will just reach for His hand. There maybe a long spiritual rehab that leaves us with scars and perhaps a limp at times, but He will be there, every step of the way.

Also, I think that we could do ourselves a lot of good by reaching for His hand and moving to the safer path. It could save us some pain and heartache. Don't get me wrong, bad things will happen to all of us, no matter who we are...good, bad or otherwise. These are the facts of life. "If bad things happened to bad people and good things happened to good people, people would be good for the wrong reasons."--Dr. Jerry Jones We should be striving to be good because we love our God and want to serve and glorify Him with our lives. The Bible gives us plenty of examples of good people that had bad things happen to them: Moses, Job......Jesus. However, our ability to handle these things is dramatically impacted when we are centered in Jesus. We have the love, guidance, peace and comfort from a God and Savior who have given the ultimate sacrifice for us....hard headed, sinful, slow to learn, US.


Dear Lord,

I thank you for loving and guiding me in the midst of my hard headedness. Thank you for always being there when I reach out my hand. Show me how to keep myself centered in You, even with the distractions that this world brings. Lead me down the path You have chosen for me. Thank you for Jesus! Thank you for my precious children, who are constantly teaching me about You. Lord, please give me wisdom to parent them the way that You do me. 


~*Love your daughter*~

Hokahoma

It has been well over a year since I last posted. Why, you ask? Like lots of other people, I got busy. Work went from great to tough to unbearable resulting in a new job at a new company. That was a great blessing and led to a beautiful time of peace and tranquility...then came the promotion...for my husband that is.

We had been praying for God to move us somewhere out of the desert for the sake of our children's allergies. They both had a terrible time with constant boogies, infections, both had tubes and Bug still had antibiotics for ear infections. Here was the answer we had been praying for....a change with a promotion and salvage from the desert winds. We had been praying to be moved....move us where we are supposed to be, where we can be used, where our children will be healthy. (we did that part correctly) We got exactly what we prayed for...oh, wait.....the location isn't on our list. What list? He & I had been looking at "places to move" and had formulated an informal "list" of spots that we thought would be best. (mistake #1) I'm not entirely sure why we as humans think that we have this "life" thing figured out. I mean really....one look at any reality show would serve as evidence that people are just plain ignorant. (myself included)

God's hands of guidance (and sense of humor) led us to Oklahoma (Hokahoma as the kiddos say). Yep, every Texas girl's nightmare dream! (that was sarcasm) Needless to say, I was on board because I had peace about this adventure. I knew that God was in control and would take us where HE needed us. So here we are...6 months in with new job, new school, new church.... I've never been the new kid before. Sure I went to college and didn't know anybody, but that was different. You crave that independence, that ability to meet all kinds of people, determine who you are going to be. This is different. This is uprooting everything that your children have ever known, moving 9 hours away from your entire support system, trying to carve new relationships with people, find a new church. These last few months have been a roller coaster for me. I've been on both ends of the spectrum in every aspect. Excited to devastated, full of faith to ignoring God. I know, how could I? HE led me here, HE is in control, so why be upset with HIM?

Comfortable. That's why....I was comfortable in my life before and hadn't realized it. The changes I was wanting I wanted on my timeline, in my selected locations. (continuation of mistake #1) Thankfully, we serve a God who loves us despite all of our shortcomings, our temper tantrums, our failure to trust. He is still good at the end of every day. He still loves us and wants us to seek that relationship with Him. This week we have a seminar going at our church about relationships. It has been going one day and has already made a tremendous difference for me personally. After all we heard yesterday I have been reflecting and can see how childish, selfish, and just plain ignorant I have been. God has brought me here for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is yet, and I don't need to know. What I need to do is suck it up, get back on my knees, and give it all to God so He can use me. I'm paralyzed right now...I'm not doing anyone any good wallowing. Lynn Jones, one of the speakers, said something that has been resonating in my mind "God can pull you through anything if you can stand the pull".

God, I'm ready...pull me out of this place I am in emotionally/spiritually and use me where YOU have planned. I'll hang on to YOU and YOU alone. Help me to see the blessings You have given us, reassure me when I'm faltering, strengthen me to stand the pull. I want my life to be a reflection of YOU and a blessing to others in every way possible. Thank you for loving this child even when I'm a miserable excuse for a daughter. I LOVE YOU! ~Amen

It's finally sinking in.....I think

God has had an overall "theme" for me this year that I have been failing miserably at understanding and obeying, but the light bulb has finally gone off. IT ISN'T ABOUT ME, but rather HIS WILL!

 This occurrence has happened in conjunction with our pastor giving a set of sermons on prayer...each of which is directed (:)) at me. Every week, God brings to me another aspect of prayer that I have been missing out on or overlooking. During the last few days, I have stopped asking for everything that I want...instead, I've poured my heart out to God the things that are heavy on my heart and mind and pray that through all of this I follow Him so that HIS will be done. There is a transformation occurring everyday in my heart and mind. I am more conscious of His will. That has become my priority. (I know, I'm late on that...that was supposed to always be #1)

Perhaps the second greatest area of change has been the prayers for my children. If you don't already say a prayer everyday for your kids or about your kids, I highly recommend that you start. This has been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. Not that there are all these amazing things falling from the sky for my kids or that they are suddenly perfect angels polishing their halos without asking, but I am learning to see them as the Father sees me...to care about even the most simple things that mean the world to them. In the mornings when I take the munchkins to the kiddie corral, I say a prayer with them before we go in. Now they expect it and remind me if I'm rushing to stop, take a minute, and dedicate their day to God. What an amazing thing....my children may just yet bring out the very best of me!

Doubt

I have been struggling this week with feelings of insecurity in a lot of ways, and even though I know that it is Satan at work trying to tamper with my wonderful life, it is difficult at times to not give in to those thoughts. My happy world is just that, so why be glum chum? This week I am going to be praying for focus, peace, and happiness about everything that is going on. I don't think that God wants us to be doubtful of our self worth, after all HE made us....so I don't want to insult the Maker by thinking I am sub-par. He just doesn't operate this way. How do you handle feelings like these? I'm not the only one am I? :D

Faith...where did I put you?

Bear

Bug

 Let me start by introducing two of the stars of this blog, my darling children. I will refer to them as Bear & Bug. These two angels have been the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for. I only thought I had a great life until these two came into the picture. It is very true that a mother's love is undeniable, unfailing, and will always be there. I also now understand why even the most despicable of all criminals are still loved by their mothers. Some magical process takes place the day you find out these little creatures are growing inside you. You can only dream of how wonderful your children will be once they are born, however, you never can truly guess how great they will be. I believe fully that this is part of the special grace and blessing that God gives us as mothers. He has made our hearts capable of loving these little people before they are born and more than anything else in this world....much like His love for us.

We are so blessed to have a loving Father who gave His most precious gift, His son, for us. Can you imagine? I have a hard time wrapping my head around that sometimes. Would I be able to give one of my children up for the sake of all? Blessed are the examples we have such as Abraham, who walked on faith and trusted in God that if he was called to sacrifice his son, he would do so even if it pained him. I pray for this faith for myself and all mothers and fathers. We all love our children dearly but lack this Abraham-like faith quite often.

A recent example, little Bear has been having some issues in school and my husband and I tried everything we knew to get this little guy back to behaving the way he should be. Nothing seemed to be working, just felt like hitting our heads against the wall! Finally, (and this should have been the FIRST thing we did) I poured my heart out to our loving Father and asked Him for His grace, mercy, guidance, and abounding love to lead us in this journey. Honestly, before this moment driving down the road, crying my eyes out, I don't know if I have ever so clearly felt the hand of God on me. However, there literally was peace like a river that poured over me. A calm assurance that my husband and I are not raising this boy on our own, but with the help of the Heavenly Father, came to me. Where was my faith before? Why did I not turn to Him before? Probably for the same reason people for hundreds of years have not turned to God when there was a problem.....WE ARE HARD HEADED! If God can bring Daniel out of the lions den unharmed, why wouldn't He be able to handle a 3 year old, much less a 27 year old mother?

New Beginnings

As of late, I have been struggling with the realities of being a full-time working wife/mother with a very demanding job and trying to do so with all the grace the Bible calls me to have. So, I have decided that there is a need for me, and maybe others like me, to realize that we are not Super Woman, but Normal Woman. Through this blog, I hope to encourage other women to live their life to the fullest without compromise. The majority of my blogging will come from real life occurrences and reflections, as well as information from the best source I know....the Bible. So, saddle up, get ready and let's do this! :D